All posts filed under: Funny

We Discovered a Place Called Twatt! – 1st-7th August 1998

Originally posted on If Destroyed Still True:
Saturday 1stSpent most of the day travelling then stopped here at the Royal Dunkeld Hotel. There was a Scottie dog here called Fergus at the same time as us. I thought I had a brain tuma [Oh, come on. I was a better speller than that.] coz I’d had a headache all day but Mum and Dad said it was sinusitis coz it was in my nose too. At tea there was this man with really bad B.O. and we had to move coz Abby was nearly sick! BYE! Sunday 2nd I got even more worried about my brain as I had another headache. We stayed overnight ay my cousins’ house in Wick but their family went away so we didn’t see them then. When we got there we realised that the tickets for the ferry to Orkney were gone so Mum had to sort it out. I needed a hug for some reason and started wishing I had a boyfriend. I dunno what brought it on but…

How Not to University: First Impressions

Originally posted on Pinkjumpers:
Having survived my first semester at university, albeit somewhat haphazardly, I like to think that I  have already learned a great number of things with regards to surviving the ‘outside world’. In what I hope will become something of a ‘how-to’ series, I will share my snippets of advice  alongside my first-hand woes that naturally stem from a girl who has yet to master the art of living smoothly. A lot can rest in first impressions- it is the difference between being ‘that intelligent female  who knows a lot about 17th century literature’ and being ‘that girl who parades around with yesterday’s lasagne stuck to her face’. And never are first impressions quite so important than when you start university; when every impression is both first and nightmarishly   immortal. It’s not breaking news to reveal that a drunken slobbery kiss the night before is a terribly awkward encounter in Tesco’s the day after. But even those ‘did I really lick his face last night?’ encounters do not compare to the events of…

My Top 10 BookNerd Problems

Originally posted on Metal and the Geek:
When you are an avid reader, there are some things that regular people will say or do that will just get under your skin. Then there are just somethings that come with the territory of being a booknerd. Here are my top ten booknerd problems. Are you ready for this? I am! 1. When you are reading, and someone asks “What are you reading?”  Take note here, If I am reading a physical copy of a book, do NOT ask me what I am reading, just read the damn cover and then google it. If I am reading on my Kindle, do NOT ask me what I am reading, for the simple reason that it is fucking annoying!! Wait until I put it away and then ask. If you’re not even a reader, don’t ask me just to make small talk. I hate small talk. Just go away honestly. 2. When people say they’ve watched the movie, and don’t need to read the book.  This might be my…

Ralph gave me his last Rolo – 2nd June 1998

Originally posted on If Destroyed Still True:
Tuesday 2ndRalph still likes me anyway. You know off the advert when it says, “Do you love someone enough to give them your last Rolo?” Well, Ralph gave me his last Rolo after school. He came up to me and said, “There’s my last Rolo, just for you.” I thought that was really sweet and I couldn’t stop smiling for ages. People must have thought I was a right nutter, grinning away to myself like that! I saved the packet. Sad, I know. → BYE!

5 Things That Make Me Happy

Originally posted on The Modern Reality:
Family My family has always been a big part of my life. They’re always there for me and vise versa. I don’t know what I would do without them, especially my parents. They’ve given me the opportunities to be who I am today. They taught me things and understand my growth, supporting me and encouraging me. I am forever grateful for my parents and family. Making People Laugh I’d like to think I’m a pretty funny person, only because that’s what people tell me. The joy I get from hearing someone’s laughter is so heartwarming. I’m not really a pranker. I’m more of a crack jokes type of person. And if were really cool and understanding with each other, we might occasionally have a hilarious roast session. Money They say money doesn’t buy you happiness, but I say BS! Now obviously too much money might not necessarily be a good thing. I couldn’t imagine winning the lottery. I would never want that amount of money in one lump sum.…

How to Interact With the Barista Boy in 3 Ways

Originally posted on How To Get Things Done in 10 Ways:
So there are a couple of Starbucks I go to on occasion. My goal in life is to really have a place where I walk in and they already know my name and my drink. I know, I really dream big on that one. Anyway, I don’t visit Starbucks nearly enough for anyone to know who I am or even care for that matter. Yet. Anyway, back to the point of this post. Since I’m awkward, I can never tell if boys are flirting or just being weird…but I have had some pretty interesting comments from different barista boys at all of the local Starbucks. ? 1. I go inside, order my drink, pick it up from the counter, get in my car, drive 30 minutes to work, get to my desk, take a sip, set the cup down, and that’s when I see it. The barista boy had asked my name to write it on the cup, and he had written it – even…

Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gifts 2015: Santa’s Got A Brand New Douchebag

Originally posted on Cookies + Sangria:
Haven’t finished your holiday shopping yet? Have an unreasonably large budget, no time to arrange a gift yourself, and a total d-bag on your shopping list? Yeah, me either, thank goodness. But for the second year in a row, we DO at least have the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gifts to remind us that we’re better off than the people who do have those things — plus some low-budget alternatives for the rest of us. A Motorcycle Day With Keanu Reeves and Keanu Reeves’ Friend Gard Cost: $150,000.00 First, go to breakfast with Keanu Reeves and Keanu Reeves’ friend Gard – which I’d be into, I mean I’d hit up a good brunch with John Wilkes Booth and Justin Bieber if promised bottomless mimosas. Then go on a motorcycle ride, then go to a cafe. Then take a friend to dinner and ditch Keanu. Or don’t: the man has been through a lot and I hear he’s one of the nicest celebrities. The next day, ride through a forest with Keanu…

This is England ’90

I find myself endlessly drawn back to This is England, despite occasional boredom and lots of tears shed. I believe my first interaction was with ’86, and I was in love with the clothes and scooters mostly. I also think Joe Gilgun is pretty incredible, and Vicky McClure was cute back then too. I fondly remember the Monday mornings in school for those two weeks of rapes and murders – we were all pretty shocked and upset, and stole some ideas for a drama performance. I then worked backwards and watched the film which I didn’t love as much, because Shane Meadows is something of an acquired taste and I hate England. Yet every two years, here I am. Glued to my 4oD every Monday (because who watches live TV). The issue with This is England in all of its incarnations for me is perhaps wherein others find its strengths – it is boring. It is meandering, structureless, and frankly a bit dull until someone says something absurd or gets beaten or raped under a piano score. Despite thinking that maybe…