All posts tagged: humor

My First Day of Third Grade

Originally posted on Nothing Was Said:
I survived my first day of third grade, for the second time in my life. The difference is that this time I wasn’t the awkward new kid coming in in the middle of the year. This time I was the awkward new teacher coming in the day before Day 1 and pretending to be in charge. I think I still managed to fool them. This was my third first-day-of-school since I finished school… for three years I’ve done something I never thought I’d get into. Teaching is supposed to be a calling, not a temporary fling. Right? I really missed the boat on that one. But this school is good. So good. Scary good. The kids are smart, respectful, and eager. (Who are these people??) The teachers are enthusiastic, supportive, and intelligent. (And who are these people??) The parents are …parents. But they’re nice parents, generous parents, reasonable parents. (Am I even awake right now?!) I am masterful at jumping the gun, so seeing as it’s only the end of…

An Ode to Orgasms

Originally posted on The Lonely Tribalist:
O thou ravishing convulsions, Who lie dormant in the day,  And dream of freedom, honeyed revulsions, Yearning for your next lay. O thou bringer of joy and destroyer of woe,  It doth not matter how it occur; You care not if with friend or foe, If it’s sweet and intimate or merely a blur. The quivering. The quaking. The shivering. The shaking. Oh what’s that? Let you free? And you’ll promise me another three… Orgasms are awesome. Here’s some fun reading material on the big O: 10 Reasons You Should Have More Orgasms | Women’s Health What Happens When You Have an Orgasm? These 8 Awesome Health Benefits That Beat Going to the Gym Tonight | Bustle Here’s Why You Can’t Orgasm, According to Science | IFLScience The Female Orgasm Explained by Guys | Buzzfeed A-Z Challenge: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z [Header image source: Pixabay]

Different Types of Annoying Male Co-workers

We’ve been working for at least five years now. There are so many personalities we’ve encountered. Although we live across the country from one another, it seems like we have a lot of similar co-worker experiences. So we’ve compiled a list with a few warnings attached. The general list was posted a few weeks back. We decided to add a few more to the list, and to add some helpful descriptions.

I Woke Up 25

Originally posted on Nothing Was Said:
Yesterday morning I woke up 25. Amid the shit-storm that has rained down on me in the past week, I am not surprised that upon waking I managed to get half way through the day without realizing that it was my birthday. The realization finally hit as I wrote the date next to my signature on hospital admission papers for my younger sister. It’s been that sort of week. I am not going to delve into the laundry-list of things that have gone awry in the past few days, because today, the day after I woke up 25, I am in a stellar mood. Today I finally get the keys to my new apartment. Today I get to move in. Today my sister gets out of the hospital. Today I meet with some of my new colleagues in preparation for school next month. Today I’m 25 and 1 day. I always hated it when I was a kid and on your birthday it was funny to ask someone if…

My Crush Is Taken

Originally posted on Brooke Brunson:
Have you ever liked someone and found out that they already have a boyfriend or girlfriend.?  Your dream guy or girl is right there in front of your face, but unfortunately they are already taken. Like most or some of us can relate to, this is basically the story of our life. Coming from someone that has been in the same situation more then once, I can definitely say that it is not a great feeling.  Especially when you know that you’re the perfect person for your crush, but yet they don’t see it.  Though as much as you may like or even love this person, you may have to come to the harsh reality that it’s time to move on.  For most people, moving on is harder said then done especially if you are friends with this person. The thing about being friends with a crush is that you have to ask yourself “What is your true motive”?.  Do you genuinely want to stay or be friends with this person?. Or is it only a…

Travel Fail: My Honeymoon Hooker in Oz

Originally posted on CARLVERSUSLIFE.COM:
Sydney proved an amazing starting point for our 2015 honeymoon adventure (after a 4 day stop over in Dubai, of course). We were on the other side of the world and loving life. Four days in and we had ticked all the tourist boxes; beaches, Blue Mountains, kangaroos, koalas, Darling Harbour, Circular Quay, boat trips and of course, Sydney Opera House (see Travel Fail: Sydney Opera House – whoops! Yep, we kinda make a habit of this kinda thing over here). We were Sydney-satisfied and hungry to see more of Australia. It was our last night and we had decided to stay in, pack our bags, order a takeaway and sort ourselves out a hooker for the night. Hold on. Wait. What? Let’s backtrack… We were off to Cairns early the next morning and decided to spend the evening in our hotel room. Time was ticking away and it was fast approaching 10pm before we realised we hadn’t had a bite to eat all evening. We decided to hit up TripAdvisor…

Things I’ve Realized Working at a Front Desk

Originally posted on Me, Myself and Everything Else:
I’ve worked at a front desk for 7 years. SEVEN YEARS. That’s crazy to me! My first job was leasing office space. I loved it! I worked there for 4.5 years and was able to move up and become operations manager. It was such a fun job and I got to meet so many different people and hear about so many different jobs. My second job is the job I have now. I work for an HVAC company and pretty much do all things front desk. Answer phones, customer support, write orders, billing. You know, the norm! In my time doing these jobs I’ve learned some things…and they may not be the things you would think. Enjoy! 1. Your everyone’s sweetheart. I swear I get called more pet names at work then by my boyfriend. At first I thought it was an older guys thing, all the honey’s and sweeties I would get. But now I’ve realized it’s the young guys too. I’ve even been called babe.…

5 Skills You Should Consider Adding To Your Resume

As history demonstrates, the working force is constantly changing. Given the technology of our current age, there are a few skills you should strongly consider adding to your resume.

Is it Too Late Now to Say Sorry (I’m Not Sorry)?

The thing about El Taco Veloz, one of the most kickass taco places in Denver and probably the world, is, they have a not so kickass restroom setup. It’s not as bad as the one in my favorite Starbucks around the corner from my apartment. The one that has the automatic light that seems to always turn off right in the middle of doing your thing. Or automatic flusher that has a mind of its own. Or the automatic sink that makes you perform a song and dance number in order for it to work. (Note to all establishments: automatic is not always the best way. Just Saying.) El Taco Veloz only has one toilet for both men and women, which is kind of a major drawback. And apparently, a very unreliable lock.

I Like My Chocolate Milk Shaken, Not Stirred, and in a Glass Half Full!

Originally posted on This, That and the Other Thang:
This morning as I was walking into work, in a rush like always, I biffed it on the sidewalk. Like, hands flailing, all the four letter words spewing, coffee mug in the air biff action. I wish I could say it was because I was side-stepping a massive sink hole, or maybe that an Adam Sandler look-a-like came out of nowhere with a stick ala Big Daddy and sent me falling face forward, but no. It was all on me. See I have this thing where I sometimes fail to pick up my feet when walking. It’s a real problem, guys. After brushing myself off, and taking a quick glance to make sure that no one and their mother’s sister’s cat saw me and my wicked air time, I noticed that my pants were now covered in my Mocha Latte. Not only was my left leg now drenched in coffee, my life-line of caffeine was now down to mere sips. Ugh. The Mondayest Tuesday ever. I could’ve…