All posts filed under: bikini

A ‘Kini Body

Originally posted on How Do I Grown Up:
This summer I bought a bikini. It happened. To christen this hallowed occasion, I’d like to share my thoughts from the dressing room as I put on the first bikini I’d worn since age five*: Things that are wrong with my body: Belly Fat Thunder Thighs Stretch Marks Thin Hair Upper Arm Jiggle Uneven Skin Tone Ever Reappearing Lady Beard Right Eyebrow Higher than Left Bunions Gigantic Feet Left Calve Larger than Right Hairy Arms Hooky-Downy Nose Surgery Scars on Stomach Wait wait wait wait. Wait. Just wait…Calm down… Things That Are Perfect About My Body: It’s Mine It’s Beautiful Suck It, World! *Actually a solid story: apparently my parents and grandmother and I were camping and I was throwing an epic bitch-fit about swimming. I didn’t have a swimsuit so my parents calmly tried to explain, to no avail, that I couldn’t go swimming this time. My grandmother, having raised five boys, rode out the yelling while calmly crocheting a tiny bikini which she then dressed me in…