All posts tagged: the hoe handbook

I’d like to say I’m sorry…

Originally posted on the hoe handbook:
Dear Professors, I’m sorry for not trying as hard as I should have.  I genuinely enjoy each and every one of your classes and would have loved to give them my all this semester (yes, I actually like school), but alas, pledging had other ideas.  I know it’s not an excuse because other people have serious time commitments and still find time to give their academics 100%, but I was simply not prepared for the physical and mental exhaustion that would come from just having one more activity on my plate.  I promise I will try my best to end this semester on a high note, but thank you for working with me.  Most importantly, thank you for buying my bullshit and giving me extra points when I did not really deserve them. Dear My Boys (who live with), I’m sorry for looking like shit all the time.  I haven’t been doing my hair or wearing make up all semester and while you have not failed to hit on…

Goodbye Virginity, Hello Crutches

Originally posted on the hoe handbook:
Hospital Bills: $500 Cast and Crutches: $45 Losing My Virginity After Breaking My Foot: PRICELESS “Come over” Yes guys I got the text. My hot, senior, football playing, frat star, hookup buddy texted me and I was more than stoked to go over. I hadn’t seen him in months and after a summer of dirty snapchatting eachother I was in hella need of some sexy times. I practically flew to his apartment. When I got there we continued our routine of him giving me something to sleep in and then heading downstairs to “watch Netflix”. That’s when tragedy struck. As I walked down the steps, my natural clumsiness and slight inebriation caused me to slip and fall (or as Hookup Buddy describes it “dive”) down half the flight of stairs. Luckily, he caught me at the bottom before I slammed my head into the front door, but his saving catch did not save my foot from slamming into the steps. At this moment in time I proceeded to laugh…