This morning as I was walking into work, in a rush like always, I biffed it on the sidewalk. Like, hands flailing, all the four letter words spewing, coffee mug in the air biff action. I wish I could say it was because I was side-stepping a massive sink hole, or maybe that an Adam Sandler look-a-like came out of nowhere with a stick ala Big Daddy and sent me falling face forward, but no. It was all on me. See I have this thing where I sometimes fail to pick up my feet when walking. It’s a real problem, guys.

After brushing myself off, and taking a quick glance to make sure that no one and their mother’s sister’s cat saw me and my wicked air time, I noticed that my pants were now covered in my Mocha Latte. Not only was my left leg now drenched in coffee, my…