A funny thing happened when I got engaged. After nearly a year of engagement, it’s no longer comical. I’m having trouble being polite about it now. I’m starting to wish I had eloped.
I became nothing more than a bride.
With the exception of my closest friends, it seems no one knows what to say to me except, “How is the wedding planning going?”
Maybe this wouldn’t be a problem if I had more interest in planning my wedding. But I am the world’s most lackadaisical bride. I’m the polar opposite of a bridezilla.
Case in point: When my mother freaked out about how we were going to decorate the stage for the ceremony (nine months before my wedding), I appeased her by saying we could add some plants. She asked what type of plants I wanted. I replied, “Green ones.”
People I have known for years no longer have anything to say to me except to ask about my wedding. People I barely know have offered to help plan it. People are also great at offering unsolicited advice.
“How is the wedding coming along?” they ask.
“Great,” I reply.
And the conversation falls flat. I’m not sure what else to add. I don’t really want to tell them that I’m adding tulle circles under the vases. Is that what they are after? I would be bored to tears if someone told me about their ceremony backdrop and their centerpieces. Hell, half the time I’m bored planning the details of my own wedding.
I have a theory that most of these people don’t actually care about my wedding planning. I believe this is just their attempt to start a conversation with me. But why can’t they start conversations with me the way they did before?
Here are things I would rather be asked about:
- My budding writing career and transition out of teaching
- What my students are learning
- What sort of travels I have planned
- My dogs
- Interesting things I have done recently
- My volunteer work
I think people just assume that once a woman is engaged, her wedding consumes her. I’m sure that’s true for some women, but I know I cannot be alone. My conversations used to have some depth to them. I’m getting resentful that in everyone else’s eyes I am nothing more than a bride.
I am beyond happy to marry my fiance. I cannot wait to spend my life with him. I’m excited to celebrate with the people we love, but I have nothing interesting to say about wedding planning.
I’m starting to wish we had hosted an outdoor potluck with no decorations, no theme, no colors. Or better yet, I wish we had driven to Vegas, tied the knot, and returned saying, “Surprise!”
I have three more months of being a bride. But in the meantime, and long after, I am so much more. I’m a writer, a traveler, a lover, a teacher. I’m a dreamer, a reader, a thinker.
So please, don’t ask me about my wedding.
(Update: as soon as I saved this post, Pinterest sent me a notification that said “10 Wedding Pins to Check Out.” Ugh.)