A funny thing happened when I got engaged. After nearly a year of engagement, it’s no longer comical. I’m having trouble being polite about it now. I’m starting to wish I had eloped.
I became nothing more than a bride.
With the exception of my closest friends, it seems no one knows what to say to me except, “How is the wedding planning going?”
Maybe this wouldn’t be a problem if I had more interest in planning my wedding. But I am the world’s most lackadaisical bride. I’m the polar opposite of a bridezilla.
Case in point: When my mother freaked out about how we were going to decorate the stage for the ceremony (nine months before my wedding), I appeased her by saying we could add some plants. She asked what type of plants I wanted. I replied, “Green ones.”
People I have known for years no longer have anything to say to me except to ask about my wedding. People I barely know have offered to help plan it. People are also great at offering unsolicited advice.
“How is the wedding coming along?” they ask.
“Great,” I reply.
And the conversation falls flat. I’m not sure what else to add. I don’t really want to tell them that I’m adding tulle circles under the vases. Is that what they are after? I would be bored to tears if someone told me about their ceremony backdrop and their centerpieces. Hell, half the time I’m bored planning the details of my own wedding.
I have a theory that most of these people don’t actually care about my wedding planning. I believe this is just their attempt to start a conversation with me. But why can’t they start conversations with me the way they did before?
Here are things I would rather be asked about:
- My budding writing career and transition out of teaching
- What my students are learning
- What sort of travels I have planned
- My dogs
- Interesting things I have done recently
- My volunteer work
I think people just assume that once a woman is engaged, her wedding consumes her. I’m sure that’s true for some women, but I know I cannot be alone. My conversations used to have some depth to them. I’m getting resentful that in everyone else’s eyes I am nothing more than a bride.
I am beyond happy to marry my fiance. I cannot wait to spend my life with him. I’m excited to celebrate with the people we love, but I have nothing interesting to say about wedding planning.
I’m starting to wish we had hosted an outdoor potluck with no decorations, no theme, no colors. Or better yet, I wish we had driven to Vegas, tied the knot, and returned saying, “Surprise!”
I have three more months of being a bride. But in the meantime, and long after, I am so much more. I’m a writer, a traveler, a lover, a teacher. I’m a dreamer, a reader, a thinker.
So please, don’t ask me about my wedding.
(Update: as soon as I saved this post, Pinterest sent me a notification that said “10 Wedding Pins to Check Out.” Ugh.)
Yes, I thought I was the only one. I hate wedding details. “The though of someone describing their wedding backdrop, I would be bored to tear”. My sentiments exactly. To give you an idea of how much I don’t really fuss over weddings my wedding was a destination wedding which was 95% planned by my family overseas. I picked the dress, vows and church and they took care of the reception and everything else. I didn’t even meet the MC or DJ until 30 minutes before he announced us entering the reception room. It was beautiful, extravagant, and better than anything I could of suggested and I had a blast. And best of all because my parents and extended family members were eager to plan it, they paid for most of it. We just took care of the dress, suit and air fare there and part favors. It was awesome
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