It’s Holi the day after tomorrow. It’s basically this festival where people play with colored powder and drop water balloons on each others’ heads.

Now, I’m secretly terrified of water. I might have been bitten by a rabid dog and never received treatment and gotten stuck with hydrophobia – I don’t know – and people attacking me with water terrifies me.

Of course my secret never stayed a secret when I went to med school.

During my first year at college, I had a scary arse lesbian roommate who’d have her girlfriend over and do unspeakable things. So basically, I spent a good six months practically homeless (roomless) – and had no place to hide when Holi happened. And man, was it bad.

Everyone kept acting like weird babbling barnacles and screaming and throwing EGGS at each other. I’d thought you were only supposed to play with water. And powder…