Relationships can be hard enough, add money to the mix and it can be disastrous.

Today, many millennials have student debt, credit card debt, auto loans, etc.  For the few that don’t, the odds are against you for finding a partner who doesn’t have any debt.  That doesn’t mean it’s impossible or that you shouldn’t date someone with debt. It just means you need to figure out how to talk about/manage debt before it becomes a problem to the relationship.

Toni Coleman, a psychotherapist and relationship coach in McLean, Virginia, says she frequently sees couples dealing with problems such as hiding debt from each other, blaming each other for their dual debt and “an attitude of ‘yours’ and ‘mine,’ which keeps the couple from working together on a solution.”

As a couple, you must work through the debt together. Here are steps to help you with this process:

1. Be honest.