I made the mistake of trying out Yik Yak a little while back. It was pointless, but there were a few hilarious posts that I will never forget. There was also one that has resonated with me since I read it. A random post from a girl that read: “I feel like I really just want a boyfriend right now.”
As the conversation continued, it was clear that she was merely looking for a cuddle buddy. She is not the first or the last to do this.
The word boyfriend can range in meaning, depending on the relationship. Let’s break this down to the most basic terms. Every type comes with conditions:
The f**k boy: Everything you probably don’t want in a boyfriend. You may be his “side chick” and you don’t even know it.
The cuddle buddy: The consistent companion that may come with baggage or a f***ed up personality. Possibly a slightly better f**k boy.
The indecisive one: He wants to be in a relationship, but he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. Your relationship is comprised of variations of that sentence and you all are constantly on and off.
The teammate: Essentially the “ride or die.” May require exclusivity in order to truly be effective, but will do so in return.
These are just a few examples. Yes they all have a woman counterpart. This is a topic for another day.
For now, these are the reasons I look for a teammate and not a cuddle buddy:
1. Finances & Fun
Though you all may not split the costs of everything, there’s no denying that some things are cheaper with two people (if you don’t believe me, check Groupon). If it is truly a give-and-take relationship, and you’re handling your finances, both of you could save a lot during the course of the relationship (which may be forever).
2. Career Goals
I have high aspirations that require a lot of work to achieve them. I will take the help I can get. If I am able to help my partner in any way, I most certainly will. For me, helping one another achieve our goals is an essential part of a relationship.
Not to mention, I already have a lot on my plate given my young adulthood status and my first set of career goals. Translation: I am still trying to become a stable adult and move from the bottom of the work totem pole. If I’m going to start any kind of relationship, it has to be with someone who is willing to put in 50% of the work.
3. Personal Goals
In addition to career goals, I have quite a few personal goals I hope to demolish. The biggest one: looking and feeling healthy on the inside (and a little more on the outside). When you have a partner to encourage you and hold you accountable, tackling personal goals can be a wee-bit easier.
4. Responsibilities of adulthood
If we make it the long haul, then we will venture into other responsibilities that come with adulthood. Before we live together, have a pet, have kids, et cetera I need to know that they are going to split the duties with me.
5. Life is so bitchy
Young adulthood aside, as time continues shit will get even more real. The struggles I’m facing now don’t compare to the hard times that are inevitably ahead. It’s nice to have someone there to support and comfort you during those hardships.
In the case of Ms. Yik Yak, she had no idea what she was getting yourself into. She wasn’t thinking about the work that goes into a real relationship. All she wanted was a cuddle buddy. When two people are involved stressful situations are bound to happen. For me, a teammate is the only one that is worth the stress. I’m not willing to go through ‘it all’ for a cuddle buddy. Are you?
Oh, and incase you were wondering, the conversation ended with a 20-something man claiming to be a sugar daddy trying to pick her up (which she entertained), then me (I did not) and anyone else on the thread that said they had a vagina.