Sometimes I still can’t believe the shocked expression I see on people’s faces when I tell them that I’m single. It’s like I instantly turned into an alien and started speaking a foreign language. Now, I would love to believe that they just think I’m the most beautiful girl in the world and they absolutely cannot believe that some knight in shining armor hasn’t swooped me up yet; but honestly, I think it’s most likely because dating seems to be one of the only things that every 20-somethings thinks about.

So…here I am, a 23-year-old, recent college graduate, and not too bad on the eyes (if I may say so myself) but for some reason I’m not that interested. Not to say that I won’t date, but the idea of wasting so much time, energy, and money on someone who is not the one makes me cringe. And, yes, I already know what you’re thinking…“You’re young. You still have time. You don’t have to find the one right now.” That’s all true, but that certainly doesn’t mean that I have to settle for a steady stream of blind dates and hook-ups that will all end the same way.

While I have been single, I have learned so much about myself. If you give yourself the opportunity, you can do the same thing too. Now, I’m not saying that you should go and break it off with your boy/girlfriend of 6 years, but what I am saying is that if you are single, you should take that time to develop. Embrace it and move on.

So…for all of you who may be struggling, allow me to give you a tip or two.

No. 1 – Spend some time alone. Most times, when we aren’t in a relationship, we feel the need to be with people all of the time. Whether it’s your family, friends, or co-workers, we use them to shield ourselves from being with ourselves. At some point, you need to really discover who you are. When you do, you will realize the dreams, the vision, and the goals that have been lying dormant within you. You begin to recognize your flaws and your strengths, both of which make you unique. But, most of all, it produces patience because you begin to understand that maybe it’s not the right time for you to be in a relationship anyway.

No. 2 – Jump right in. When you have found the things that you want to accomplish…just do it. Don’t allow anyone to distract you or keep you from being the person you’re becoming. No one can stop you but you. And, when you start focusing on the things that you need to change and achieve, people with similar aspiration will naturally be drawn to you.

No. 3 – A puppy will suffice. Yes, I said it. I don’t how many times, I have heard my single friends talk about needing a “bae” during cuffing season. Well, winter is coming and some of you are still struggling to find a jacket. So…if worst comes to worst and you begin to feel like you’re ready for the responsibility of a relationship, then buy yourself a puppy. I’m sure all of the training, feeding, and cleaning that you will have to do for it will quickly change your mind. Not to say that a human is the same as a dog, but the ongoing pressure to be there and provide support for another living thing is.

Many times, we can’t even take care of a fish but we want to be married or we can’t even afford a Happy Meal, but we think we should be dating. I’m firm believer that we should be anxious for nothing because that’s when we lose focus on our own personal growth and get distracted by imitation instead of the real thing. I’m not promoting selfishness but self-development; they’re two very different things. Self-discovery allows you to see your own abilities and begin to use them to create change in those around you and your environment. That’s what singleness is all about for me. Don’t you agree? If not, let me know in the comments below.