You know when your dear old 92 year old grandad has had fourteen heart attacks, but you keep resuscitating him because of your own selfish need to keep him half alive? That’s what keeps happening to the most beloved media of my childhood. I can’t remember what came first. Was it Twin Peaks 2017? Star Wars 7, 8, 9? Gilmore Girls on Netflix? Whatever it was, the most recent crime was CruelIntentions, and by that point my eyes had rolled clean out of my head.

I was once excited. I once thought that bringing something I had once loved back to life, albeit in a zombie state, was a positive thing. “Two members of the original cast are coming back? Wow! It must be good!” I cried. But now…it’s hard to be hopeful. The cynic in me knows that the only reason for the sudden resurgence of things…